at me when walking into a classroom – sometimes:
1. Who was going to mess with me?
2. Was the administration going to back me up?
I learned over time that not having to plan and prepare from day to day made all the difference for me. Still, whether the administration would back me up or not would sometimes hinder me, hold me back from doing exactly what I needed to do. No more doubting, no more wondering.
Those two questions are founded on the one issue: "reproach". I did not want to lose face in front of the students, and I did not want to lose face with the principal and the office staff. Talk about a trying bind.
Some teachers, though, were very supportive, even if the principal did not always back me up. If a handful of students recognized the good that I was doing, I was happy with the whole arrangement.
I learned to let go of reproach as I became more aware of righteousness. Righteousness is a gift, one which had always been offered to me, yet I had not learned to receive by faith. Someone paid for me to take it, and to keep taking it. Finally, I learned to stop feeling bad about wanting to stand up and say "I'm OK".
No one could mess with me at that point, since I was already OK from the moment that I walked in the room. Whether administration backed me up or not, I knew to follow my peace on the inside, and whether everything worked out for the best or not, I knew that all things would work together for my good.
When you reject reproach and receive righteousness, no one can mess you, and you need not look behind to see if anyone is backing you up or not.