Presidential Candidate Lincoln Chafee: Awful. . .Funny!

Wow, Rhode Islanders.

Finally, there is a Presidential candidate from your state. This
is a first to celebrate. I thought that Democratic National Committee was
vetting Governor Gina Raimondo for a top-ticket spot.

Doesn’t Chafee make you  chafe with pride? (*sarcasm*)

Yes, I know, he’s a total laughing-stock. But at least he is
giving the smallest state of the union some press.

Or is he?

If not for gravity, at least he brings some levity to the
national stage.

His
interview with (retired) Larry King was pure gold, for exposing the
clueless and out of place governor. He struggled to identify his current
office, or why anyone should vote for him. “I am pretty liberal” he assured his
audience. He was right, considering he voted against the War in Iraq, as well
as opposing a constitutional amendment to ban burning the flag.

And how can we forget his
tete-a-tete with Cuban communist dictator Fidel Castro?

Chafee got some free publicity from his next appearance in
the national media. Actually, he did not make an appearance directly. TBS
late-night comedian Conan O’Brien admitted his sympathies for a Presidential
candidate who is polling at literally 0.0%. “This is no joke”, admitted the
comedian.

I have been sharing with all my Rhode Island friends this
scene from Conan’s late night show. Sometimes I think that they should have a
sense of humor about it. Shouldn’t getting a boost from Conan O’Brien be a good
thing?

Well, not really. After all, Rhode Islanders lived under the
four-year failure of a Governor who did 
nothing to discipline labor unions, to shore up flagging pension
liabilities in the state or the capital city. He turned the Ocean state into a
sanctuary state for everyone but the born and naturalized citizens (and
taxpayers.) He even declared war on Christmas by trying to rename the
centerpiece sign of Yuletide cheer a “holiday tree”.

Still,
O’Brien highlighted some of his worthy achievements:

“I’m taking a short amount of time here. I am making it my
mission tonight to get Lincoln Chafee from zero percent all the way to one
percent!”

Loud applause followed.

Honestly, Conan provided a thorough and accurate resume of
the former Rhode Island Governor. Isn’t that a good thing?

“Chafee supports affirmative action”. This point stands out
all the more, since competing candidate Jim Webb once called this program racist
toward white people.

“Same-sex marriage.” As a Republican US Senator, Chafee
supported same-sex marriage. He was to the left of Republicans as well as most
Democrats at the time, including former US Senator Hillary Clinton.

“Decriminalizing Marijuana”. The whoops from the audience
got louder at this point. Pots for potholes might have made them roll on the
floor, or roll themselves a fat one.

“Adopting the Metric System”. The shouts and applause grew
louder on this one. Good news for our society: people want meters and grams
more than marijuana and drams.

“So that should win over African-American lesbian stoners
who are also CEOS of companies that manufacture measuring cups.”

Politics is all about identifying key voting demographics,
right? It worked for Barack Obama in 2012. Perhaps Chafee should hire Conan as
his campaign consultant?

“Chafee used to be a Republican.” Yes, and every member of
the RIGOP rues it to this day.

“His first name is Lincoln”. OK, Conan, where are you going
with this one?

“Now this should make him very appealing to confused elderly
Republicans who think they’re actually voting for Abraham Lincoln.”

Not in Rhode Island, of course, but this points proves the
importance of branding and defining yourself before your opponent does.

“In addition to being a politician, he is also a
professional farrier. This is no joke. Someone who specialized in putting shoes
on horses.”

For a comedian who makes a living making jokes, Conan had to
reassure his audience a few times that he was not joking about Chafee.

“This could land another very important voting group for
him. Horses.”

Don’t laugh. It’s better than illegal aliens and dead people,
and we know how often the Democratic Party has relied on those two other
important “voting groups” to win elections.

For the next three minutes, Conan and company hand out
Chafee hats (to two people), then sing a campaign song to get Chafee to One
Percent: “He’ll never be president.”

So, has the boost from Late Night TV helped him?

Judging from his first debate performance, not so much. Or
maybe he was trying to channel his inner comedian, since a lot of people in the
live studio audience laughed.

Some of his debate highlights include his opening statements,
which had me laughing out loud:

“As Governor, I came in at the depths of the recession, and
we turned our state around.”

Really? Please comment below if this statement is true or
not, and why.

He fumbled to explain his vote FOR repeal of Glass-Steagall:

“It was my first vote. My dad had died.. . .I think you’re
being a bit rough.”

Debates are intended to be rough. Any other questions?

When
he questioned Clinton about her email scandals:

“We deserve a President who has the best ethical standards.”
Hillary Clinton, who has none any way, batted any requests for comment about
her penchant for lying: “No.”

That “No” says a lot, much like her “What difference does it
make?!” burst during her Benghazi testimony before the US Senate.

Indeed.

About Chafee’s
changing party affiliations, Anderson pointed out: “You’ve been everything
but a socialist”, then listed his party switches throughout his career:

“Anderson, you’re looking at a block of granite when it
comes to the issues.”

The audience crumbled into fits of laughter. I don’t think
the former mayor, US Senator, and governor was trying to be funny. Conan’s
attempt to bolster Chafee’s Presidential campaign hasn’t paid off, yet.

Still, the former Republican turned Independent turned
Democrat has brought some notoriety to his state, and levity to Election 2016.
Chafee is awful funny. That’s good for something, isn’t it?