Life is full of tragedies, no question about it, but I am learning to see how the darkness of my past has made the light of today so much brighter around me.
Before I graduated from high school, UCLA rejected me. I went to UC Irvine, where I majored in two subjects, minored in a third, and learned from world-renowned French thinkers who lectured nowhere else.
I wanted to be a lawyer, but instead I became a teacher. Since then, I have seen it all, and now I write about it, to great acclaim!
My mother abandoned me at the airport when I was fourteen. When I told students in juvenile hall what I went through, they received the comfort of knowing that they were not alone in being abandoned, and that life was far from over for them. My mother passed away this year, but I was at peace with her and myself about it.
I was harassed by one kid as a long-term substitute, only to meet the kid later and shake his hand: “I forgive you!” The next day, he actually walked up to me and shook my hand. He was the quietest student in the room, the first of many students with whom I not only reconciled but improved my standing. Nothing short of a miracle.
I had a terrible time at another long-term assignment, so bad that on many nights I could not sleep. I thought I would die from the stress and the frustration, so lost and confused was I during those dark times. Even my best friends could only agree that nothing was going right. When I just couldn’t take it anymore, when I just accepted that all was a wash, then I stopped being angry. When I stopped striving with circumstances, I found that I could thrive in spite of them.
The next year, I confronted another abusive student from the past, one who brazenly mocked me for what he had done. I knew who I was then, irrespective of what I had endured, and I put him in his place: “How dare you talk to me like that! I did not deserve to be treated like that!” He trembled like a leaf and sat silently, unprepared for the new me. Then I wrote two Hebrew words on the board: “Manasseh” – Causing to forget; and “Ephraim” — doubly fruitful: the two sons of Joseph, betrayed by his brothers only to become the Prince of Egypt. We forget the bad so that we can enjoy double good. I refused the shame and receive the fame. The students respected me then.
I have lost many jobs, only to learn that my only job was to take it easy, and then everything else comes easily to me. I don’t even have to look for the bare necessities anymore: just “Let not your heart be troubled”. One boss even cut me loose without warning. In the long run, I discovered that I never really liked that job in the first place, and now I do what I want to.
When it seemed as though everything was working against me, lo and behold all things are working together for my good. I stopped trying to make things right and let the kinks iron themselves out. Laissez-faire let me enjoy the ride.
Now more than ever, I am convinced that the bad times in our lives, by the grace of God, turn into mighty miracles which we would never receive if not for those tragedies. Although I cannot explain it, all I have to do is believe it.