I used to resist tithing.

I just never knew if I would have enough money, and I couldn't trust God to provide everything.

Learning how to understand God's leading was very difficult for me. Because of the rigorous indoctrination that I had to put up with from my mother and her cult-like attachment to Alcoholics Anonymous, I had gotten to a place where I was constantly looking to her and taking her word for everything.

It has gotten really crazy. There were times where I would tithe, and then she would correct me for doing that, or tell me that it was not OK to do so.

Constantly I was looking to her or to other people to tell me what to think, what to do, how to assess difficult situations in my life.

Tithing was not easy because of that bad sense of training. There was also a period in my life when I was faithfully tithing at my local church, but it didn't seem that my life was getting better.

I have also learned with the greater revelation of God's grace that He loves me because of His Son Jesus. It does not matter whether I tithed or not. However, I want that growing revelation of God's love and resources in my life.

Because I realize more of what he has been able to accomplish in my life, I want to see His favor and resources flowing. I had such a small revelation of God. I simply did not realize that He is constantly at work in my life.

God invites us to enter into His rest. No longer are we striving and writhing in our self-effort to make things happen, as though God is light-years away and uninterested in what we are doing.

I also remember at one point in my life, when I was drawing from unemployment less and less, then I was switching to giving more and sharing more. I found that I had plenty of money, and I even had enough to spend on others. At one job, I was an after-school tutor of sorts. I had my own classes and provided different types of lessons. When we had reached the end of the year, I purchased food for all the students.

It felt good to be able to give something. It just was nice to know that I had money–and that money did not have me!

Last week, I was struggling with a strange point of discussion. Would I be able to tithe?

The pastor was preaching on Malachi, the passage about robbing God and not holding back.

Of course, it's important to read every passage in the Old Testament in light of the Finished Work of Jesus Christ. We no longer have to worry about the curse our the devourer in our lives. Yet still we have the opportunity to "test" God, or at least allow Him to prove His generosity towards us.

When I tithed again this past Sunday, a sense of hope and relief swept over me.

I refused to be in bondage to a certain set of dollars in my wallet, pockets, or elsewhere. It's essential that we realize how money is the least of God's concerns, but rather that He wants us to prosper and be in health even as our souls prosper.

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