Kavanaugh Almighty!, by Carol Houghton

We don’t know about you, but we are definitely excited for the upcoming
days when Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh singlehandedly overturns Roe v.
Wade, causes more global warming to happen and places a fully-automatic machine
gun in the hands of every middle schooler.

Quick question: If one Supreme Court Justice has as much magical power
as the left ascribes to Brett Kavanaugh, why hasn’t Ruth Bader Ginsburg
incinerated all of us Deplorables already?

The Senate confirmation hearings for Judge Kavanaugh were a sight to
behold this week. Deranged lunatics were screeching, howling and bursting into
tears in the Senate Judiciary Committee at the inevitability of Kavanaugh’s
confirmation. Those insane people shrieked almost continually and at times, it
felt like the hearings were going to have to be canceled just for safety’s
sake.

Oh, and some civilian protesters showed up, too.

The mainstream media was sure to let us know that there were women on
the balcony overlooking the chambers who were dressed in Handmaid’s Tale
costumes. Look at all of those ordinary, concerned female citizens turning out
to stand up for Roe v. Wade! Why, they’re a veritable plethora of everyday
Americans, declared the MSM.

Except… later on in the day, conservative outlets identified them as
members of the DC-area Antifa fugly squad. Trust us, those brand-new scarlet
and white costumes are the cleanest clothes those “ladies” have had on since
November 8, 2016.

Plus, we didn’t know that handmaids are allowed to use cell phones.
Paging the Patriarchy Police!

Within the Senate chambers, it was an absolute zoo. The Democrats were
howling and screeching like a pack of… oops, we almost said, “monkeys,” but
thanks to the media’s coverage of the Florida primaries, we know that monkey is
now the new N-word. Let’s just say the Democrat protesters were out of control.

Don’t think, however, that it wasn’t planned that way. Sen. Chuck
Schumer (D-NY) gave the Democrat Senators and the civilian protesters their
marching orders in a conference call last week. The whole charade was carefully
orchestrated, right down to a George Soros-funded leftwing organization paying
the protesters from a bag of cash, right outside the Senate building.

Three doctors who were waiting in line, in hopes of getting inside to
watch some of the proceedings, saw a dude with a bag of cash handing out money
to people. They thought that was weird, so they snapped a photo of the
money-man. Sure enough, the woman he was handing cash to was later ejected from
the hearing for howling like a… can we say “banshee?” Is the word “banshee”
still okay? Can we get a ruling on that?

Twitter sleuths quickly identified the money man as Vinay Krishnan, a
consultant for the Center for Popular Democracy. The Center for Popular
Democracy is, in turn, one of the anti-Trump groups that billionaire socialist
George Soros dumped massive amounts of cash into earlier this year to resist
Trump.

The Center for Popular Democracy is almost completely funded by Soros.
Thus, the protests that you saw on TV at the Kavanaugh hearings were brought
you by George Soros. Thanks, George.

Here’s a fun fact that Mitch McConnell could take advantage of to
ensure that such a circus never happens in the US Senate again. You can’t get
into a Senate hearing unless you have a pass. You don’t get a pass unless a
Senator’s office gives you one.

In other words, every single one of those insane, screaming, howling
lunatics (you thought we were going to say banshees again, didn’t you?) was
given a pass by a Democrat Senator.

Mitch McConnell could simply change the Senate rules to fix this once
and for all. If you have a guest in the Senate chambers that has to be ejected
for too much crazy, your office gets no more passes. Period. Problem solved.

And you know it just wouldn’t be an anti-Trump media spectacle without
a loony tunes conspiracy theory about white supremacy. Boy, did the Democrats
deliver on that promise! One of Judge Kavanaugh’s advisors was seated directly
behind him, and she was… OMG, she was flashing a white supremacy hand signal to
the cameras for like, totally an hour!

Of course, that conspiracy theory fell apart when it was revealed that
the perceived KKK lady was Zina Bash, a Jewish-Mexican staffer of Kavanaugh’s.

Our favorite part of the hearing, however, had to be when Sen. Cory
Booker (D-NJ) had his moment in the shining sun, pulling a campaign stunt to
indicate that he’s running against Trump in 2020. “This is my Spartacus
moment!” Booker thundered to the cameras.

Oh, boy. Anytime a Democrat tells you how courageous they’re being, get
ready to be informed of something banal that doesn’t even vaguely resemble
courage to a normal person.

Remember, the Democrats thought that FBI stooge Peter Strzok deserved a
Purple Heart for testifying before the House Judiciary Committee – which is
part of the regular duties of senior FBI officials. “He’s doing his job! It’s
just like being shot by the Taliban!”

Courage to a Democrat usually means making it halfway through a meeting
before sending out a fundraising email about how brave they’re being.

Okay, Spartacus Booker! Dazzle us with your courage! We’re ready to
swoon!

Booker declared that he was breaking the Senate rules to release
classified Kavanaugh documents that Trump doesn’t want the public to see. And
even though SPARTACUS BOOKER could lose his US Senate seat for misconduct by
BREAKING THE RULES IN REBELLIOUS FASHION, JUST LIKE HEROES FROM DAYS OF YORE
(!), he was willing to make that sacrifice for America. That’s how brave
SPARTACUS BOOKER is!

Except the documents had already been declassified before the hearing
started. It was a nice speech, though, Spartacus. ‘A’ for effort.

And as for the “classified” info that Trump didn’t want the public to
know about, it was an email exchange between Kavanaugh and someone else in the
Bush White House. Kavanaugh said in the emails that he didn’t want to rely on
racial profiling of Arabs in the days after 9/11. Hey, no wonder Trump didn’t
want the public to see it!

So, in the end, Spartacus Booker’s big rebellion revealed to the world
that Brett Kavanaugh is opposed to racial profiling. You’d think the Democrats
would have wanted to hide that.

This was a watershed moment though, because up until we saw the
documents, we were unable to learn any of Kavanaugh’s positions on any legal
issues. That’s because Kamala Harris and Dianne Feinstein had been interrupting
him for two straight days.

As for Kavanaugh’s real worth as a US Supreme Court Justice, if he’s
even 10 percent as conservative as the Democrats and the media assure us he is,
it’ll be an improvement over Anthony Kennedy.